Summertime Shambles!

What have you done this summer?  This has been an off year for me, I have not even tried to develop a schedule for the kids, so that I can remain a little sane, and the house can at least get the minimum maintenance. I am not sure what has happened to the time, but as usual, there are many things that I wanted to accomplish that I have not - this year is even more so.

Like for instance, figure out what exactly is my vision for this blog is, or have my 11 year old finally memorize all her math facts, read the Iliad and work with my rowdy hooligans so they are completely prepared for school which is right around the corner. I did not even get my kids to the summer library program, which is the first time that has happened since ....1994.  I am plodding away, but even when I accomplish something, the stuff I have not done looms even larger, and the days are slipping away! I feel completely out of control!

This past week (is it really FRIDAY already????), I have..... read to my kids...made Miranda read to her siblings, weeded the overgrown gardens, started my 16 year old on his summer reading, looked at Facebook, email, blogs email, blogs ect, ect... had dinner ready for my husband, organized... looked at my vacation pictures, threw in a couple loads of laundry, ironed, attend daily mass...went to one daily mass (don't be impressed, I went this morning and it is the one and only daily mass I have made it to all summer). I could go on and on, but I am tired of hitting the strikethrough button.

Not that I didn't accomplishments anything, I did manage to produce a few video montages, like this one:

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!

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Clearly a work of high spiritual magnitude. Sigh....  I also did manage (barely) to remember to get that Sass Master Sophia to her community center dance class, and though I did get her hair brushed and put up, I failed to make sure that she had some shorts on under her skirt so the entire class now knows that, unbeknownst to me, she was wearing her brothers underwear.  I should be glad that she had underwear on at all, because that is not a given.

I have not only failed in quite a few of my cultural pursuits for myself and my children, but I have failed to get down and serious about my prayer journal, about my Scripture readings. Which is really frustrating, because the summers usually give me at least a little quiet time in the morning while the rest of the kids sleep in to go a little deeper. This year the baby has been up before me almost every morning, except when we were on vacation. At this point in my summer, I am beginning to feel hopeless, any effort to pray gets diffused by so many distractions, so, consequently I feel far away from the Lord. Here is where I usually give up.

My spiritual director would remind me to keep praying when I can, and, in true Ignation style, when I am beginning to feel hopeless and far away from the Lord, to pray just a wee bit more. God first, always even when I do not feel like it - especially when I don't feel like it - and most especially when it feels like I am wasting my time. Which is why, after my very distracted and interrupted morning prayer and Scripture time, I moved heaven and earth (I got 16 year old Stephen out of bed by 8am) to get to mass by myself. And what do you suppose the 1st reading was?

Isaiah 38:1When Hezekiah was mortally ill, the prophet Amoz came and said to him: "Thus says the Lord, put your house in order, for you are about to die..."

Well. that was distracting! My thought was: "I know, I know, I am drowning in disorganization,but really, I am hopeless, I can't even see how to get my rag-tag household in order!"  But the readings continued, and we heard that Hezekiah prayed to the Lord and his hopeless illness was healed by the Lord.

 And then the Gospel of Matthew:

Mt 12:1-8  Jesus was going through a field of grain on the sabbath.  His disciples were hungry and began to pick the heads of grain and eat them.  When the Pharisees saw this, they said to him, "See, your disciples are doing what is unlawful to do on the sabbath."  He said to them, "Have you not read what David did when he and his companions were hungry, how he went into the house of God and ate the bread of offering, which neither he nor his companions but only the priests could lawfully eat?  Or have you not read in the law that on the sabbath the priests serving in the temple violate that sabbath and are innocent?  I say to you something greater than the temple is here.  If you knew what this meant, I desire mercy, not sacrifice, you would not have condemned these innocent men.  For the Son of Man is Lord of the sabbath."

He is greater than my messes, He is greater than any of my successes, He is Lord of my ambitions and Lord of my desires, and He is Lord of my failures. And it is my failures that allow me to begin to see the tremendous gulf between me and the Lord; not in selfish self-conscientiousness, but with awe and reverence.  Because I am the lowly, rag-tag disciple hungering for more, and He defends me against the savvy accusers.  I am cast down so he can lift me up and I am weak enough for His glory to show through me.  If I let Him.   If I push my ego out of the way and take up His yoke, as we heard in yesterday's Gospel.  Pray that I do so, I will pray for you also. 

As I was coming back from receiving Him in the Eucharist, I felt Him ask me if I felt any better.  I said yes, I think I can take on my day, and the rest of my summer. And I will trust that He will reform it into something only He could accomplish!

Peace and Grace,

Heidi

Fourth of July with the Genzlingers at OneTrueMedia.com

We had a very blessed and wonderful Fourth of July with good friends from Montana! Even with a fireworks ban and a foiled excursion to a lake for some swimming, we had a pretty good day.  Of course it was the last day of the Fortnight for Freedom, but we continue our prayers for our country and for religious freedom!

I put it all to the tune of Matt Maher's Woke up in America, from his album the Love in Between.  The whole album is a good one!

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
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Vacation Bible School, and Encounter with Jesus

I spent a week doing the Wild Blue Bible Adventure room for our church's Sky High Vacation Bible School. The main theme was trust God and we took him up on that by throwing in a twist in that we actually put in a Jesus character (along with a Centurion character and Simon Peter ect.) And, it proved to be a much more profound encounter with God in His Word, and a lesson in how we meet Jesus in the Eucharist and every time we pray! The two days that Jesus was not physically present the kids longed to see him! And when he reappeared on the last day, they were thrilled!

It was a blessed and exhausting week, and I thank my good friends Angie and Anne because without them it could not be done! And I thank my son Stephen who helped with set decorating and played Jesus, as well as Angie's son Stephen who also helped with the sets and was our character actor extraordinaire (St.Peter, the Centurion....). Anne's daughter Claire was also stuck in a costume on day 2! Angie's daughter Emily also helped out a great deal ( the palm trees in the background have their foliage due to her artistic talents!)  In the end, no matter what....Trust God!

I know that there are some who discount this particular VBS as light weight, low on teaching and (gasp) protestant in origin.  But I say you get out of it what you put into it, and as we did in our Bible room, there is plenty of opportunities to tweak it!

Here is a video of our week, but it is only of our Bible Adventure room, there were many other stations as well!

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the boring Mr. Dawkins

Richard Dawkins can mock the idea of the Real Presence all he wants.  As he appears to be quite the intellectual, I am going to take his word that he has analyzed the Real Presence and has come to a conclusion.  He has chosen.  He is very clear on that.  As a Catholic Christian I can accept this choice because I believe that we are recipients of the gift of free will.  If  I choose to abandon my faith  and agree with his decision that leaves me with only one option, a very boring, lonely reality.

I personally want more than what he offers.  I beg for more.  It is kind of like listening to a story teller sharing a mystery story.  I want the creative animated speaker, not the monotone unimaginative one.  I certainly can hear the words of the monotone voice, but to be honest I find it incredibly dull and difficult to pick up the clues and stay focused on what is being said.  I typically stop listening and become self absorbed.  I'll take the speaker who pulls me into the story and engages my mind to push itself to try to figure it out.  I began to think less of myself and began to become aware of something more and intriguing.


I love the fact that I am not limited to what Dawkin's calls reality. I love the mysteries of the Eucharist.  I can't explain fully the rush I get when I think about the idea that as I am consuming the Body of Christ I am part of all those who went before me, all those who right now are participating, and all those who will participate when I am gone.  All of that!  I AM part of that Body, that Presence. AND that is just one attempt to figure it out.  God is not limited by our limited definitions of time, place, and form so imagine what is possible!  How exciting! 

 I feel sad for Mr. Dawkins as I love (desire good for the other) and know that his time here on earth is limited, as it is for all of us. He has further limited himself from some rather lively and interesting facets of thinking by declaring such a small literal view of reality. 

Jesus knew exactly what he was doing when he gave us His Body and Blood.  To consume Him (What a radically startling thought!) involves interaction of mind, body, and spirit.  If I did not do this or look at it in light of what my faith teaches my thoughts would become more focused on myself and I would forget to look for more, to see the clues revealed. It would be a rather boring thing- just eating bread.  That I would find incredibly lacking and dull.  I'll take an engaging faith with some mystery.  That is my choice and I sure find it interesting.

Unrestrained Love or Coffee Spoons? A Meditation on the Visitation

 Today is the Feast of the Visitation, when Mary goes to visit her cousin Elizabeth.  This feast is a wonderful opportunity to ponder how we encounter and respond to the movements of the Lord.  Mary hears the words of the Angel Gabriel, and she believes.  She believes and she responds, not only with her great fiat -"be it done to me according to thy word" - but also with an immediate act of charity and generosity, anticipating the needs of her cousin.  In haste Mary goes to Elizabeth, who is expecting to give birth "in her old age" to the prophet John the Baptist.  Mary holds nothing back, she responds to God immediately, and He in turn holds nothing back from her. God responds to Mary's unrestrained giving of herself with a joyous affirmation, by Elizabeth, of the unbelievable events that are occurring. Elizabeth's prophetic response to the Holy Spirit was:

"Most blessed are you among women and blessed is the fruit of your womb.  And how does it happen to me that the mother of my Lord should come to me?  For the moment the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the infant in my womb leaped for joy,  Blessed are you who believed that what was spoken to you by the Lord would be fulfilled." 

Both she and Elizabeth believed and responded with the whole of their hearts!  What would happen if you and I responded to God with such generosity?  What would happen if all the passion and desire that we so easily allow to misdirect us, or, even worse, through fear we suppress, were given over to the Lord with a daily fiat? What could happen if we accepted our lowliness, our nothingness without fear and allowed the Mighty One to sweep us away in His divine love?  What  could happen if we did not fear the deep emptiness that reveals our spiritually starved souls , but feared comfort that dulls and obscures our longings until it was too late and we are too lost?  Time is running out for you and for me.  Can we respond with Mary's beautiful canticle, rejoicing in our nothingness, because it is that humility which allows the unfathomable love of God to direct our paths through this valley of tears?

My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord; my spirit rejoices in God my savior. For he has looked upon his handmaid's lowliness; behold, from now on will all ages call me blessed. The Mighty One has done great things for me, and holy is his name. His mercy is from age to age to those who fear him. He has shown might with his arm, dispersed the arrogant of mind and heart. He has thrown down the rulers from their thrones; but lifted up the lowly. The hungry he has filled with good things; the rich he has sent away empty. He has helped Israel his servant remembering his mercy according to his promise to our fathers, to Abraham and to his descendants forever."

Maybe this seem like an odd diversion, but I have just re-read T.S. Eliot's poem The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.  There are various analyses of the poem, but just today I watched a YouTube video on the Holy Spirit by Father Robert Barron in which he used a quote from the poem, " I have measured out my life in coffee spoons" as an example of a life lived withholding generous love.  A life lived afraid and unresponsive to passion and desire, and Prufrock is aware that his time to act is running out. It struck me that the frustrated sense of decay, unfulfilled longings and desires that  permeates the poem speaks of a lack of the overflowing love of the Spirit of God.  A withholding of love indicates a lack of love. The stanza before has Prufrock wondering "Do I dare disturb the universe?"  Well, with the Spirit of God directing those longings, desires and passions they will not only not be suppressed, they will fearlessly pour out with love unending and disturb the universe, but in a way according to the word of God.   

Brothers and sisters:  Let love be sincere; hate what is evil, hold on to what is good; anticipate one another in showing honor.  Do not grow slack in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord.  rejoice in hope, endure in affliction, persevere in prayer.  Contribute to the needs of the holy ones, exercise hospitality.  Bless those who persecute you, do not curse them.  Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.  Have the same regard for one another; do not be haughty but associate with the lowly; do not be wise in your own estimation.  Romans 12: 9-16

 Respond to God as Mary did; disturb the universe! Not by grasping at power or by fantasizing about mighty deeds, but by the transformation of your heart and soul through the humble reception of the Word! Let the Spirit flow through you with courage and joy, anticipating the needs of others and pouring out with unrestrained love.  Do you dare disturb the universe?  Do I?  Let us pray with Mary and Elizabeth today for an unrestrained and passionate response to the Spirit!

Peace and Grace!

Heidi

A Garden Canticle

Spring is here, and in this Marian month of May, with yard work and spring cleaning in progress (okay, I have not started spring cleaning) my two youngest and I spent a morning playing under the watchful and peaceful gaze of Mary. I tried to say a Rosary while the kids were running and climbing, but alas!  Motherhood means praying on the run, so instead I let my spirit lead me;  and how can you resist praying her beautiful canticle from Luke 1: 46-55?

My soul does magnify the Lord.  And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Saviour.  Because He has regarded the humility of His handmaid:  for behold from henceforth all generations shall call me blessed.  Because He that is mighty has done great things for me:  and holy is His name.

And His mercy is from generation unto generations, to them that fear Him.  He has shown the might of His arm:  He has scattered the proud in the conceit of their heart.  He has put down the mighty from their seat and has exalted the humble.  

He has filled the hungry with good things:  and the rich He has sent empty away.  He has received Israel His servant, being mindful of His mercy.  And He spoke to our fathers:  to Abraham and to his seed forever.

We had only one mishap, Max pulled a wheel barrow full of soil on top of himself!  Nothing that a hug and a bath did not fix! And it gave me pause to reflect that even when we have muddied ourselves in our sin, we know that Our Lady will gently guide us into reconciliation and repentance so that we can be cleansed in His loving mercy!  

May the prayers of the Mother of God be with all who read this blog. May her praise of our Lord ring joyfully in our hearts!  And may we respond to her request to "do whatever He asks of you."

Peace and Grace,

Heidi

irony

I had to laugh after watching a trailer for a new movie coming out.  Given Hollywood's perpetual mockery of the Catholic Church it is no real surprise that the part that caused the laugh was actually an uncharitable attempt at humor on the movie maker's part at the expense of Catholicism.  The line more or less implied that a Catholic does not think for themselves.
Why I laughed? There was great irony in that line.  Funny thing is the Church has always taught that free will, intellect, and reason are gifts from God and we are to use them.  It seems far more appropriate to imply  Hollywood as being the institution that encourages little thought.
A PERSON (not an angel)  trying to live an authentic Catholic life responds to the demands of deeper thought and effort.  They tend to hold themselves accountable for their words and deeds (Confession).  To adhere to the tenets of a demanding faith is far more challenging than giving into society's easy relativism .
 Obedience and humility are no easy feat for most of us.  Offering up our suffering and putting ourselves second is also no easy feat for most of us.  Tempering emotions and showing genuine love are not easy feats either.  These things are just the beginning of what we are called to do and each one of them requires a whole lot of thought and effort.  Sometimes it even requires our lives (Martyrs) 
The Church has challenged us to look beyond ourselves and the moment.  We are called to keep walking the road to the ultimate goal - being with God forever.  Even when society mocks Catholics we are to keep steadily on the road revealed to us from the time of Adam and Abraham through Jesus our Savior to today and tomorrow in the Church guided by the Holy Spirit. 
A little ironic humor certainly keeps the journey on this road interesting.-joze