Let the Little Children Come: Be warned, we are!

At the elevation of the Eucharist during a peaceful and quiet daily Mass about five years ago my then two year old son Luke yelled loudly: "Never like Jesus! NEVER, EVER NEVER!!!"  This was because of my miscalculated strategy to hush his fidgety self down by trying to redirect his attention to Jesus on the altar.  He would not have it, he was much more interested in crawling under the pew. I had to slink out of my seat, trying hard to resist the temptation to dunk him in the holy water font as we made a noisy exit out of the sanctuary. 

On another occasion a nice woman was leaning  forward from her seat in the pew just behind us to chat with Luke and he PUNCHED HER IN THE FACE!  To be fair to Luke, she did not read the pretty obvious signs that he was uncomfortable with her face in his  - I did, but I could not get to him in time, since he was about three kids away from me.  (My husband who was next to him was nicely playing his part as Mr. Oblivious.)  There was no serious harm done, since Luke was not even two, he merely knocked her glasses askew.  But yet again I was hauling a screaming child out of Mass.  I have more stories like that.   So many that I am a bit dubious of what is meant by accepting the Kingdom of Heaven like a child.  I am certain that others who happen to be seated around us are wondering as well, especially the woman who moves to another pew if we happen to sit behind her.

Even more discouraging, just across the isle is the perfect family whose five children sit ever so peacefully and - as far as I have noticed - have never needed to be removed from Mass.  Mom can even serve as an EMHC and Dad can lector, because their kids sit so nicely.  So while my youngest (which now is Max) roars like a dinosaur or grunts like a pig  (“Ha ha, I a pig Mama!”) during silent meditation time, they sit peacefully meditating – imagine that!

But I wouldn't trade places for a minute. Their family is beautiful in their peacefulness, ours is maybe more of an example of perseverance.  And that is okay.   Because when it comes to revealing the Kingdom in this world, it is never as neat and tidy as our sentimentalized ideals would lead us to believe.  That messiness means that we are not all meant to reveal the Lord in the same way and you have to have the humility to let God lead you and your family where you are to the very special place that He has just for you.  It means that God wants you to come to Him now as you are, not when you are perfect (then you wouldn't think that you needed him).  I need Him, my husband needs Him and my children need Him now and forever.  So even if I have the opportunity to leave my little ones at home, which I can at times, I frequently choose to bring them with me anyhow.

So, let the little children come!  The quiet, shy ones; the rambunctious, naughty ones; the fidgety ones; the distracted ones; the noisy ones and let us all trust that the Lord who desires their presence so much will shower His graces upon them, and us.

However, I do wonder at times if our Lord had in mind my oinking little Max.*

Peace and grace to all!
Heidi

*just to update anyone reading this Max has not oinked at Mass for the better part of three months, now we are just working on keeping him in the pew.

Writer’s block

I am a first class procrastinator.  Every morning my intention is to write at least a little, for this blog or for Journey to Wisdom.  Maybe I will publish, maybe I won’t but the goal is to just write.  The Lord know that I need the practice, my writing will not ever improve if I avoid just doing it.  But in the end I become I pillar of stony salt, just staring at the computer screen, reading other blogs and then giving up because I have already wasted enough time on the computer.  Besides, in this glorious summer time, the breezy trees are calling me to sit outside and contemplate God’s wondrous creation and take joy in my children’s play (My desktop cannot follow me outside….thank goodness!).

In fact, the longer I procrastinate the more futile this blogging becomes to me.  I can go to a number of different places and find insightful and inspired writing, sometimes on the very subject that I had on my heart and mind.  Leave these musings to those who are more qualified, let them express what you cannot.  There is more than a little truth to that I know, but I also know that I came into this through prayer, and I will stay with it until I discern a clear direction to end it.  Yet, here I am pillar of salt, with nothing to say, just staring at the computer and fearing my own inadequacy. 

In fact, it is a lot like my prayer time.  Which should tell you that over the years my prayer life has stopped and started, stopped and started, stopped and started…especially my rosary.  If you can’t get it all in don’t bother, if you can’t meditate without endless distractions (both interior and exterior) wait until you are in the right frame of mind.  And there I am pillar of salt, knowing what I ought to be doing but frozen in my inadequacy, and refusing the difficulties of breaking through it.
 
To break free from this is the trick.  And to do so I need to stop thinking that these activities will always be products of affective inspiration.  Sometimes they are the duties one offers up, because the One to whom they are given can be trusted to return so much more back.  I know that I need to break free of the fear, to break free of the need to grasp at the Spirit.

“Unless the Lord build the house, they labor in vain who build.  Unless the Lord guard the city, in vain does the guard keep watch.  It is vain for you to rise early and put off your rest at night, To eat bread earned by hard toil – all this God gives to his beloved in sleep.” Psalm 127 1-2

My motivation to blog is what I am finally confronted with.  Beyond the other reasons - for pageveiws, for a creative outlet, to show off my brilliance (all of which have their terrifying flip-side i.e., failure, failure and failure) - there was a call.  And it came from Him and for Him alone I continue, trusting that the words of the Psalm above.  Because if I am doing it for any other reason than I am that pillar of salt, afraid of that terrifying flip-side and unable to move.

Journey to Wisdom: Of His Most Astounding Mercy, and Her Most Immaculate Beauty!

Today is the Solemnity of the Mother or God, It is a holy day of obligation for us.  I wanted to share a reflection that I posted for the Feast of the Immaculate Conception.  May the peace and comfort of the Blessed Mother of God be with all of you in this new year!

Journey to Wisdom: Of His Most Astounding Mercy, and Her Most Immaculate Beauty!

The Blessed Virgin Mary: The Beauty of Nothingness

As we approach the Solemnity of the Mother of God, I thought I would share a post I wrote earlier on the feast of the birth of Mary:

Today is the birthday of the Blessed Virgin Mary.  Mary, whose immaculate conception was celebrated 9 months ago, was born on this September day.  And as is the way of the Lord, this monumental day, this wondrous birth went quietly by in time, and still goes quietly by in our lives, we could easily miss it. In fact, we often do miss it.  Yet, this feast day invites us to ponder the woman whose life modeled most fully how to allow the word of the Lord to be conceived in us and born through us, in our own words and deeds.  Insignificance and lowliness are not barriers to these wonders, they are requirements.

Which is good, because  I do not have much to offer. I am a Catholic who fails a lot in living my faith.  I am a wife who fails a lot at being a wife.  I am a mother, who fails a lot with her children (I have two crying, fighting and whining in my presence right now - thankfully they are only mildly annoying me, so I am ignoring them...).  And, in a culture that is pragmatic, cliquey and materialistic, I am a stay-at-home mother of 8 who writes for an insignificant blog because I perceived a call to do it from Him, no money in it, no huge following, no "career" to validate me - nothing.  I am nothing.  And oh, how I have caused myself and others around me much pain in fighting that truth for most of my life.

When I was in high school, it got back to me that an acquaintance of mine had described me as a "cipher"....a nobody.  In her world, I was a quiet and fairly shy girl, who was not friends with her friends and who did not leave a huge impression on her friends.  Since I was not terribly concerned with her opinion of me at that time, I was able to brush off the insult fairly easily...or so I thought.  Because every once in awhile the words would come back to me, whispering to me that I was a cipher, a nobody.  And I would fight that identity with much ferocity!  I would deny it, offer proofs against it, but mostly I would fear it.  The label became heavier and heavier.

 But,  one day I finally heard the words of Our Blessed Mother.  My spiritual ears were opened.

Luke 1:46-56:The Canticle of Mary."My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord; my spirit rejoices in God my savior.  For he has looked upon his handmaid's lowliness; behold, from now on will all ages call me blessed.  The Mighty One has done great things for me and holy is his name.  His mercy is from age to age to those who fear him.  He has shown might with his arm, dispersed the arrogant of mind and heart.  He has thrown down the rulers from their thrones but lifted up the lowly.  The hungry he has filled with good things; the rich he has sent away empty.  He has helped Israel his servant, remembering his mercy, according to his prose to our father to Abraham and to his descendants forever."

Was I to accept that identity that was so thoughtlessly assigned to me? Instantly my spirit rebelled: "I am not a cipher! I am not a nobody, do not let that nasty girl be right!" The arrogant and prideful aspirations of my heart, which fed upon my fear of nothingness, did not yield easily. Yet a wave of grace washed over my heart as I thought of the words: "He has shown might with his arm, dispersed the arrogant of mind and heart. He has thrown down the rulers from their thrones; but lifted up the lowly." My pride was dispersed, I was thrown down, and lifted up. In a moment I was confronted with all that I wanted to be, thought I should be and was failing at, and yet I was given an overwhelming sense of gratitude. Because I was nothing.  I was nothing so that I could be lifted up; there is no other way.

That thoughtless comment of so many years before was instantly transformed, and the weight of it lifted. The Lord needed to show me I am nothing so I can be filled with His love, His Spirit, His life.  So that he can lift me up, out of my mediocrity and into His heart, and I do not have to grasp at earthly honors, or rewards or recognition. Without Jesus I am nothing, without Him I will cling to false egos and false identities, and be let down by them, or even worse, I will be blindly self-satisfied! The heavy burden of that word "cipher" gave way to tearful gratitude and awe. In a world where wealth, popularity and honors are seen as indicators of goodness and worthiness Mary has shown me that it is only lowliness, nothingness, that can acquire the interior vision and wisdom to give Him our fiat, with complete trust in His compassionate love that will lift us up.

So Happy Birthday Mary, Queen of Heaven, who so gently taught me about lowliness. I still have to submit my fears and insecurities to God, I still have to have Him disperse pride and arrogance with His mighty arm.  But I do not fear the nothingness as I once did, and I have come to see a little how God's kingdom conquers and transforms this world of shallowness and ugliness.   I now look upon that dismissive, and shallow description of me so long ago through Mary's eyes, without the shame and fear that the world attaches to it.  In those words came the might of His arm and revealed the true and eternal beauty of His Mother.

Blessed Be God, and Blessed Be His Most Holy Mother!

I Will Wait For You, Lord!

The Adoration of the Shepherds

As we are progressing through Advent, I am doing my best not to be in full Christmas celebration yet.  It is a tough thing to accomplish in our consumer driven culture that actually thinks that Christmas is over once all the gifts are unwrapped.  For our part, we try to slow down our decorating, adding things each week so that our house is not in it's full Christmas splendor until we are very near to Christmas.

One of the most difficult things for me to resist is Christmas music.  I have an Advent playlist in iTunes, which has quite a few versions of Lo How A Rose Ere Blooming, The Angel Gabriel and Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silence, and admittedly I gradually add in Christmas tunes - because my Advent selection is pathetic compared to my Christmas collection.

I am always on the alert for new Advent selections, and I have found a surprising new one - albeit quite contemporary - that I am adding to my playlist!  It is Mumford and Son's I Will Wait (which I have a YouTube video of near the end of this post.).  Especially for this upcoming Gaudete Sunday, how can you not wait joyfully with banjos playing happily in the background?

Here are the lyrics:

And I came home
Like a stone
And I fell heavy into your arms
These days of darkness
Which we've known
Will blow away with this new sun

And I'll kneel down
Wait for now
And I'll kneel down
Know my ground

And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

So break my step
And relent
You forgave and I won't forget
Know what we've seen
And him with less
Now in some way
Shake the excess

But I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

So I'll be bold
As well as strong
And use my head alongside my heart
So tame my flesh
And fix my eyes
That tethered mind free from the lies

But I'll kneel down
Wait for now
I'll kneel down
Know my ground

Raise my hands
Paint my spirit gold
And bow my head
Keep my heart slow

Cause I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you


What the composer's true meaning of this song is I can only guess at, but for me it is the joyful expectation of the beloved Son, who came to forgive and save me!

Come. Lord Jesus Come!

Peace and Grace to all,

Heidi

Oh okay, Here is the video again, just think of  candles and expectant waiting:

Update:
I am adding this video of my daughter Kelsey singing in a Madrigal Choir's performance of a much more traditional song:the Celtic Advent Carol, a song which I cannot find recorded anywhere!

Do Not Be So Open-minded That You Brains Fall Out:

Reflecting with Chesterton on a conversation with a friend.

" I am European and I am more comfortable with change"  was a good friends well-intentioned attempt to reassure me about the latest election.  It was a conversation I did not want to have, because I know that beneath our friendly exterior there are deep, deep differences about what makes life meaningful, about transcendence, and about what it means to be human.  Consequently, in this particular discussion, those differences came down to politics.  She was not comfortable with the passion of my resistance to her meaningless phrase.  In the end she learned that one of those changes this election has presented us with is the diminishing of our 1st Amendment Right to prevent the government from establishing laws to prevent the free expression of religion.  Her assertion that birth control is simply health care for women (ridiculous) is not an excuse to un-tether ourselves from our constitutional rights that protect us from tyrannical intrusions of the government into our lives, first and foremost our religion.   Her openness to hear me out is a credit to her, (which is why we are such good friends in spite of these deep differences).

“When men have come to the edge of a precipice, it is the lover of life who has the spirit to leap backwards, and only the pessimist who continues to believe in progress.”
― G.K. Chesterton

It was her claim to be more comfortable - open-minded - if you will, with change, that stirred up my ire.  Mind you, she was completely unaware of the constitutional problems of the HHS Mandate. And her comment was a subtly chastisement of those of us who are resistant to a particular change. It really is not entirely her fault that she was ignorant of some extremely important facts, there was little concern about the details of this mandate in the mainstream media,  yet I have to think that this open-minded acceptance of change is very foolish with out a population that is actively and aggressively seeking all the appropriate information. We are becoming sitting ducks for tyranny.

“Do not be so open-minded that your brains fall out.”
― G.K. Chesterton

Truly, how on earth are our rights secure with this kind of mind-set?  In fact, though I tried to pass it off as a harmless statement, anyway I turned it around in my mind it was an offensive statement.  Because, though I am innately conservative, I do not view progress or liberalism (in the classical sense) or change as necessarily bad, but neither do I view those things as necessarily good.  I think progress is only authentically good when it is rooted in immutable truth, grounded in objected morality. It is our job in a democracy to be well grounded in truth and virtue in order for us to be open-minded and discerning all in one.  And for the United States of America, any change that seeks to redefine a constitutional right is incredibly dangerous and stupid. Blithely and un-reflectively accepting this change, in ignorance or because of a deep pessimism about humanity is to walk off the proverbial cliff.

Most modern freedom is at root fear. It is not so much that we are too bold to endure rules; it is rather that we are too timid to endure responsibilities.” 
― G.K. Chesterton

Indeed her statement was filled with pessimism. A pessimism tied to fear of man's failures to be responsible for our neighbor, for our own community ect., and the intense desire to rid ourselves of the ideals, and virtues that reveal our failures.  And any religion that will not let go of immutable truths (because they are IMMUTABLE) becomes something to fear, and silence.

And the solution to freeing yourself from responsibilities, to your neighbor, to your country, to your God, is to to hand over that responsibility to someone else.  We are doing that by our "open-minded' readiness to diminish truth, redefine morality and replace it with a million little regulations and techniques that protect you from ever having to take responsible for your neighbor's misery or folly.    If the little laws and regulations do not prevent it, there will be an agency to provide the technique or pill to fix it.  In this instance,   Contraception and abortion replaces chastity.  If (as in the discussion my friend and I were having) a constitutional right to free expression of religion gets in the way of universally eliminating the necessity of having to deal with unplanned children, redefine that constitutional right, make the right malleable.  This is reasonable in the un-reflective mind, because even in the most chaste worlds, there will still be failures, isn't life better when you don't have to worry about that?

“Don't ever take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up.”
― G.K. Chesterton

But remember, if whoever is in power can redefine a right, than you don't have any.  They are merely privileges granted to you by the powers-that-be, and you better hope they remain friendly to you, and you never are an inconvenience to them.

There is a tradition that jumping off a precipice is prejudicial to the health; and therefore nobody does it. Then appears a progressive prophet and reformer, who points out that we really know nothing about it, because nobody does it. And the tradition is thereby mocked - to the peril of us all.”
― G.K. Chesterton

In the end, my dear friend had not even realized what was at stake (again, thank you mainstream media), and even though I did my best to inform her of the serious objection I and those who value religious freedom have against the implementation of the HHS mandate, It does not even touch on the deeper problem for her, and for our western society as a whole:  The lack of  minds, hearts and principles that are tethered to unchanging truths and to God given rights.  This produces an ignorant, gullible population with shallow values and lazy charity.  They surely do not consider themselves gullible, because they consider themselves principled and open minded and not afraid of change (you know, progressive)! When you endeavor to change founding principles you had darn well better consider whether or not you are undermining you own refuge in times of trouble.  Whether or not you are freely giving away your own God-given rights.  And then you had better seriously reflect upon the ambitions of leaders who pursue such agendas.  In the end these types of changes will be a form of suicide, and it will not be merciful or painless.

Also, I really like this Mumford and Son's song.
Consider the following lyrics:

I'll be bold as well as strong.
and use my head alongside my heart,
so tame my flesh and fix my eyes,
a tethered mind freed from the lies.

 So, in conclusion,it is the death of democracy to just complacently accept unacceptable changes.  If that is the European way, than so be it.  But I hope to high heaven it never becomes the American way, because in my view whether or not one is comfortable with change should depend entirely on what that change is, and if it is wrong then fight it with all you have!



“A dead thing goes with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it.” ― G.K. Chesterton

Authentic progress, good laws, real charity and solid principles are always tethered to the unchanging truth.  If they are not, they will be blown straight to hell, and we will go with them.

Now, just for fun:

Update:  A couple good related links:

On Religious Liberty
On the Five Stages of Religious Persecution
USCCB's response to Joe Biden
A Reflection on the French Reveloution and the Struggle for Religious Liberty by, Donald Prudlo Phd

Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silence: The Dark of Halloween fades to the Light of the Saints

Happy All Saint's Day!  Hopefully your Halloween was fun with just the right amount of horror! Today is a great day to embrace the light that has overtaken the night. As one of my favorite Advent hymn, Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silence sings in the third stanza:

Rank on rank the host of heaven
spreads its vanguard on the way,
as the Light of light descendeth
from the realms of endless day,
that the powers of hell may vanish
as the darkness clears away.

And today is the day we celebrate the Saint's victory over the powers of hell, and pray for their assistance in our victory as well.  Because, although the horror on display on Halloween is often seen as the end in and of itself, (which is why it is sometimes so gratuitous - and hopeless), that horror points to the reality of what we fight against so that we too can become saints. The light of the saints reveals the darkness or our own lives, and what we have to fight against.  We do not fight against flesh and blood, we fight against powers and principalities   We cannot do it alone, we cannot resist the powers of hell in isolation or arrogance.  We need each other, we need the example of the saints, whose memories our Church preserves and honors so that we can benefit from the hope that they bear witness to. Because they show us that no horror endured in this world can overtake the glory that is growing in their souls (and ours as well if we accept it), though the powers of this world make it seem so.  The darkness they conjure is at times very black.  And we need to keep praying along with the saints and the hosts of heaven that our lives point to a hope that has not yet been revealed in its entirety, a hope that urges us to stop clinging to darkness, and face the pure light of Christ.

As C.S. Lewis points out, we are all everlasting souls, and in this life we are becoming one of two eternal destinies:  A soul of everlasting glory, a person that, if you saw them in that glory right now, you would be tempted to fall down and worship them for they would radiate God's splendor, or an everlasting horror, a being so terrible that you would not want to meet it in your worst nightmare.  But no one needs to meet the latter fate, all power for victory is available to you.  It is humble obedience the Father, who spares none of the heavenly hosts to assist you, and not just you, but all those you meet.

1 John 3:1-3
"Beloved:See what love the Father has bestowed on us that we may be called the children of God.  Yet so we are.  The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.  Beloved we are God's children now;  what we shall be has not yet been revealed.  We do know that when it is revealed we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.  Everyone who has this hope based on him makes himself pure, as he is pure."

The final stanza of the song quoted above always brings home to me what an unspeakable joy and honor that we have been given in our adoption by the Father. The powerful host of heaven veil their glorious faces to the presence, the presence that is Christ the Lord, Firstborn of the Dead and through Him we can also be sons and daughters of God.  It is this power that the saints hoped in, they hoped because of the love that was bestowed on them.

At His feet the six-winged seraph,
cherubim, with sleepless eye,
veil their faces to the presence,
as with ceaseless voice they cry:
Alleluia, Alleluia,
Alleluia, Lord Most High!